WasherWoman

WasherWoman

Saves the

World

!

                                                                  

                                                                       It

                                                   was written:

LAUNDRY ROOM CLOSES AT MIDNIGHT

ANYTHING FOUND AFTER THAT TIME WILL BE LOCKED IN THE BACKROOM AND WILL ONLY BE RETURNED UPON PERSONAL CLAIM.

Thanks. Laundry Room Director.

 on the front door of the laundry room.

It was about 11:59 p.m. and I was in the laundry room that was about to close when I saw a woman inside the washer. Her husband was inside the drier and they could not communicate. 

I wanted to help them, but there was still 50 cents worth of drying left and 75 cents worth of washing, so I decided not to waste their money and wait until the machines stopped. The woman had her eyes wide open and it seemed like she was screaming, but I could not hear anything because of all the noise the driers and the washers and all the machines in the laundry room were making.

I knew that if you left clothes in there past midnight, they would lock all doors and put the clothes in a big plastic bag for whoever claimed to pick them up.

That poor dead couple would not be able to survive a whole evening in a washing machine, or even in a drier and then days inside a plastic bag. There was nothing I could do, though.

            The cleaner came and:

“Are you done?”

“I still need 30 minutes more.”

“I am sorry, we are closing.”

“I will do the cleaning tonight if you let me stay here.”

Then he said ok and walked away leaving a mop in between my hands.

I was doing the cleaning for two some strangers I hadn’t even met. Maybe I was not doing it for them. I was just waiting for my clothes to dry. Though, I could not help to feel uncomfortable with the woman looking restlessly at my face. The man did not bother me as much because he was inside the drier and I could not see him, unless I chose to. I kept checking on him every ten minutes to see if he was still alive and he was every time. And every time he thought I was going to turn off the machine every time I opened the lid, but I would not make him that mad and I would just close the lid again every time before the machine stopped completely.

OBS: I did not try to open the washer because I could watch the woman from the little round window on the machine.

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            Suddenly I fell asleep and I forgot that I had to check on them. My clothes were dry and I was still sleeping. The cleaner came and put the mop on my hand and forced me to finish cleaning the place, as I had promised. I started realizing I made a really bad deal: I just offered to work an eight hour shift for thirty minutes worth of drying. Then, I woke up.

            But the woman, I was glad the woman in the washing machine was still there. She was so energetic. I would not handle 30 minutes of washing like that. She was still screaming and laughing and having her eyes wide open for the whole time. She had now a funny foam in her mouth that looked like laundry detergent bubbles.

            The drier stopped and I was so excited to talk to the man that was going to come out of the machine that I forgot to get my clothes and I ran to the man in the drier.

It was empty. Empty?? Empty!!!! Nothing. There was nothing, nothing in there!!

           

I kept thinking the cleaner was the only one that could possibly be responsible for it but I was not sure for how long I had been sleeping. I was not sure what time was it at that time. Maybe somebody else came in while I was sleeping. Maybe the man in the laundry machine was just a dream as well as the cleaner. But it could not have been a dream because the woman was still in the laundry machine. Maybe the man was a dream and she was real. But then, she would have to be inside my dream while I was dreaming about him because I saw both of them at the same time and I was constantly checking on them at the same time. I could not be a dream. I was sure about that. I knew I must exist if I could think all these things. Unless, I saw her first and then I fell sleep and started dreaming about HIM - who did not exist in reality – and her. Maybe there was no reality. Or she was the only one who existed in the first place. But I am pretty sure I saw both of them at the same time. Maybe I dreamed about them both.

I smiled. I was so happy and satisfied with my brilliant conclusion.

           
Because I wasn’t sure if the woman was part of reality or if she was just a dream I decided to open the washing machine and talk to her. She wouldn’t waste her money because I would still put her back and then she could finish that round of washing.

            
 Hello,  I said. What, said the woman. Hello, I said louder. What, said the woman even louder than I said. I said Hello, hellooo. And she said hellooo. I could not understand what she was trying to communicate. She had an alien language that did not communicate her message properly.

But then, who would the cleaner be?

------------------------------------------------- x --------------------------------------------------------

The cleaner could be just a cleaner a regular cleaner somebody who gets paid to clean somebody who cleans laundromats. I am sure there are a bunch of people like that. I am sure they are making five bucks an hour and they work twelve hours every day.

            That made me think that maybe I would have to work a twelve hour shift, instead of eight! That was really NOT A GOOD DEAL at all! Half an hour for twelve hours? Couldn’t he just wait for a little bit until my laundry was done.

Now I would have to wait forever until he came back.

What

What…

What if ….he…. NEVER came back? I WOULD HAVE TO LIVE AT  A LAUNDROMAT!! Oh, my God, I was doomed!

I could not spend my whole life at a laundromat! I had things to do. I had to get a job, I had to graduate from college, I had to find a husband, I had to move somewhere else before I die, I had to lose ten pounds and start eating healthy and go to the gym everyday, I had to go out with my friends, I had to watch the latest movies on TV, I had to write a novel, I had to buy new clothes, I had to do so many things and I was condemned to live at a laundromat.

I had to feed my friends’ dog, I had to get a cat for myself, I had to call my mother, I had to get my best friend a birthday gift, I had to… I …. Had… to….I had to find things that I would have to do before I could be condemned to live at a laundromat.

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No. Stop. Wait. Breath. Deep breath now. Ok, keep going.

Now, I understand everything. The woman inside the machine was put there by the cleaner. The cleaner was this evil man that condemned people to live at laundromats so he could make money without ever having to work. However, I don’t understand how the woman would be helping him just by being inside the washing machine.

Maybe:

1) I should ask her.

2) I should talk to her again.

3) I should try to establish contact.

Two and three: I will talk to her again, I will try to establish contact.

Hello, I said. What, said the woman. Hello, hello, I said, do you understand what I am saying. Wash, she said. She said wash, wash, wash, wash! What do you mean by what? What, that’s all she said.

- Me, help. You speak English?

What? Now she had her eyes wide, wide, VERY wide open while I was asking her where she was from.

- I don’t know what you are talking about - said the woman.

- Me, help for you, you, prisoner of evil cleaning man. I'm your hero.

- What are you talking about weirdo?

Where did she learn these words? She was foaming at the mouth just seconds ago.

“Ok, so you know how to talk. Big deal. I can talk to.”

“Would you mind if I finish my laundry? I still have ten more minutes of washing.” The woman said that and went back into the laundry machine and kept washing herself.

That was so unfair! How could she just go back into the washing machine without an-explanation-a-contact-a-connection. She wasn’t thinking about the next generations and how this experience could affect the world. I wanted to know where that being was from and what was she doing inside a washing machine in the place I do MY laundry!

I had never seen her before. Maybe she just moved.

I don’t recall any place where they have such a creative way of doing their laundry, though.

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WAIT! WAIT!!!

Where was the man?? (speaking really fast) I was so entertained with the woman and then the cleaner and then the woman again that I totally forgot about the man. Where did he go?

(deep breath)

I am sorry, but I have to bother you again, dear… woman  in the washing machine. She said shshbsbbbsshsl. And she was foaming at the mouth again. She was spitting laundry detergent at my face. I definitely wanted to cut that conversation short. Look, I don’t want your phone number or anything, dear, but I need to know who is the man who was here with you earlier in the evening and where did he go. Was he your husband?  She barked at me and turned away, putting some more quarters in the machine and locking herself inside the laundry technological equipment again. Aah! So frustrating!

            The man wasn’t in the drier and he wasn’t in any of the laundry facilities. Maybe he was disguised as the cleaner, but the cleaner wasn’t there either. What was his name, how old was he, where did he come from. And ultimately, where did he go.

            There was nobody else to ask about the man. And there was no man there anymore. Not a single human being or huwoman being.

There was only an alien inside a washing machine.    

I decided to go get my dry clothes that had been dry for the last two hours.

I opened the lid and there was a little boy playing with my socks inside. They were socks with kitty cats playing together and the little boy was imitating the cats on the socks.

- How cute! 

I thought, but I didn’t say.

I thought the little boy was so cute and I smiled and grabbed him softly, putting him on my shoulders while I was getting my clothes from the drier. I remember I did not put the boy in there and I could not have mistaken a pair of socks or a shirt by a little boy. I was sure he wasn’t there at the time I put my clothes in. I left the little boy hanging on my shoulders like a big sack of potatoes while I reflected on that.

            Maybe the woman and the man were indeed married and they put their little son to play with my belongings inside the drier while I was asleep. Or maybe not.

Who would put a little baby inside a drier and let him play with a stranger’s pair of socks. I would never let my son play inside a drier. I would not even take him to the laundry room. But I never had a son. Maybe if he cried a lot and insisted he wanted to go to a laundry room to play with some stranger’s socks, maybe I would let him, then.

But this baby cannot even talk (I grabbed him and squeezed him and he only made sounds). He could not have asked for anything.

I forgot I had some stuff in the washing machine as well and as soon as I turned my back to grab my clothes that should be ready for about 4 hours now, I found a note that said

Look behind you      But I couldn’t read it because the letters were too small. And I looked behind me and I saw that the woman in the washing machine was not the only woman in the washing machine. The washing machines! There was more than one like in every laundromat. The washing machines had at least one person inside each one of them.

I

    hadn’t

              notice

                           that

                                   until

                                                this very moment.

One machine had a couple in it. They were very well dressed, groomed, like they were going to a fancy party or a wedding. There was another man in one of the washing machines and he was smiling at me. I recognized that smile. It wasn’t any man. It was the man I had been looking for the whole evening. He wasn’t gone. He was right there in the washing machine. (I wonder why he went to the drier first and then the washer. He would have to go in the drier again later on.)

 I picked up the baby from my shoulders and put him in my laundry basket along with my pair of socks. Then, I went to get my just-washed-clothes.

As soon as I opened the washer lid, the cleaner was in there. I got my mildly wet clothes and went back to the drier, sticking my last quarters in the infamous machine.

My mom was in there waiting for me and she said, have you been sleeping, did you get a job, how are your grades, are you happy, do you have a boyfriend, when are you coming to visit me again, are you going to call me, do you love me, are you going to take care of your mother.

I closed the drier lid as fast as I could, finish sticking my quarters in it and ignored my mother. I saw her going around and around and around in squares inside the machine.

Above my mother, in another drier, I saw my grandparents and they were having ice cream together. My grandmother said she would bake a cake later or a banana pie.

In the washing machine beside them was the guy I always had a crush on and he wasn’t wearing any clothes. All his clothes were in the drier. He was asking for my phone number in a non-speaking manner.  I wasn’t sure if that was the proper moment I had been waiting for to give him my phone number. A laundry room wasn’t romantic enough.

Then I noticed by his side was also my first boyfriend and his current girlfriend then I turned away and I went back to fold my clothes and the baby wasn’t there anymore, but that wasn’t any surprise. Maybe the baby was flying outside or smoking a cigarette and discussing politics while drinking his glass of whiskey.

I calmly folded my clothes and then I went to check on  my mom or my clothes that were drying. We had a long talk then she started asking what a nice girl like me was doing in a laundry room after midnight and I went back to talk to the woman pioneer in the washing machine practice.

Lila was drying her hair, she told me her name. Do you come here often, I said, is it a new trend? She said she was an artist and she didn’t want to be labeled. Lila invited me to join the group next time they decide to get together in the laundry room and as she was saying it she passed out on the laundry floor.

“ I have questions for you Lila. I have questions. I have many questions for you. You cannot pass out, you haven’t answered all my questions!”

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I got the mop I had in the beginning of the night and I finished cleaning the laundry room. (I saw the man I knew sneaking in the drier as I predicted.). When I went to drop off the mop in the backroom after I finished cleaning, I saw all the millions of plastic bags that were found at some point in time and were never claimed.

Some bags had clothes in them but there were people inside the bags as well.  Mothers, husbands, daughters in law, boyfriends, girlfriends, sons and daughters, bosses, teachers, people who were never claimed back by their families or anybody they knew.

There were even former presidents in the backroom that no one ever noticed had disappeared. On the left, there was a sheet of paper attached to the door with a list of all the people that had been stocked throughout the  years.

People who were in the laundry room past midnight since 1 B.C. :         

Armstrong, Neal                           Kandinski, Wassily               Morrison, Jim

Beethoven. Ludwig van                 Kennedy, John                    Nixon, Richard

Bonaparte, Napoleon                    Kennedy, Jacqueline           O’Brian, Conan

Bush, George                               Lennon, John                     O’Brien, Flann

Bush, George W.                           Lincoln, Abraham               Ono, Yoko

Christ, Jesus                                 Louis IV                            Picasso, Pablo

Da Vinci, Leonardo                        Louis VIII                          Presley, Elvis

Einstein, Albert                              Louis XIII                          Reagan, Ronald

Gandhi                                          Louis XIV                         Shakespeare, William

Guevara, Che                                 Louis XVI                         Stein, Gertrude

Hemingway, Ernest                        Matisse, Henri                  Superman

Jackson, Michael                            Madonna                         Tung, Mao-Tse

Joyce, James                                  Monroe, Marilyn               Vietcong’s (1thru 100)

NON – IDENTIFIED PEOPLE:   Numbers 1 thru 100,000 trillion

Che Guevara was in there, along with Einstein, Mao-Tse Tung and Gandhi. They were all living in the laundry backroom. Picasso was there, but nobody claimed him because they said he was too square and that he would never survive the modern age, even though he invented modern art. Matisse did not have enough definition, and they thought if somebody claimed him back, he would be a modern era bisexual. Napoleon was there, but nobody claimed him because nobody ever liked him anyway.  Leonardo Da Vinci was not claimed because people just forgot his name and they could not spell it properly. All the kings of France that were called Louis were hiding in plastic bags, specially Luis XVI whom people thought had been executed in the French Revolution.  Vietcong’s were waiting for the enemy under the plastic bags and they thought the Vietnam War wasn’t over yet, so they would never want to leave, even if people claimed them back. John Kennedy was making love to Jacqueline Kennedy in a plastic bag. John Lennon was making love to Yoko Ono in a plastic bag. Shakespeare was there still writing sonnets to the people whom he loved, but nobody claimed him back; some of his ex-girlfriends said he was too easy, not challenging enough and that as soon as they started dating he would declare his love, so they did not claim him back. Jesus Christ was not claimed because everybody thought he was in heaven. Jim Morrison wasn’t claimed because everybody thought he was dead; the same for George Bush, Abraham Lincoln and Elvis Presley.

Maybe they would die inside a laundromat. On the other hand, they could still perform their professions in the back room.  They could still be what they always were. Nobody prohibited them from being themselves. But there were rules to be followed and rules cannot be broken. There were rules in the laundry room and those who cannot follow the rules should be punished.

It was very clear - in the entrance door,

it

was

written:

LAUNDRY ROOM CLOSES AT MIDNIGHT

ANYTHING OR ANYBODY (now I noticed this word in the sign as well) FOUND AFTER THAT TIME WILL BE LOCKED IN THE BACKROOM AND WILL ONLY BE RETURNED UPON PERSONAL CLAIM.

Thanks. Laundry Room Director.

They could only leave if somebody claimed them. It did not matter if the world admired them if they did not have personal friends.  It is very hard to live with geniuses. Normally important people don’t have any friends.

They were all orphans in there.
There were people who did not know anybody else in the world and were unlucky enough to be in the laundry room past midnight.

All of  them were there in the backroom, waiting for somebody to claim them back.

 But there was nothing I could do. I didn’t know any of these people. What am I supposed to do, take strangers to my home? I couldn’t take all of them because there were enough people to build a country, a new world or the next universe and I never had any inclinations to be a president or a king or God or anybody who is needed to build a country or a new world or the next universe.  There was nothing I could do.

I felt so uncomfortable with all those people asking me for help that I didn’t want to be in there anymore. I locked the backroom and made sure they couldn’t get out. I had finished cleaning the place and it was almost morning and the cleaner had not come back and I wanted to go back home. The front door was locked and the cleaner was the only one with the key.

I looked around and my mom was still in the washer and my grandparents and my first boyfriend and his new girlfriend and the woman pioneer and the man I hardly knew and the guy I had a crush on and trillions of people in the laundry room. They were all looking at me.

        I

felt so lonely.

PLEASE, TAKE ME OUT OF HERE!

- I know I am just a character and you could do anything you want with me. Can you please take me out of the laundry room? I don’t want to be your character anymore. I don’t want to be condemned to live here forever. You are out of your mind!

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Then, the cleaner opened the door and said, Thanks, you did a great job. And she went back home with her nicely folded clean clothes.

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- Thank you. I don’t think I could handle being in there for one more minute.

- You are welcome – said the author.