Coming to terms with the idea of love. Not easy at all. But she wasn't easy, she was the opposite of easy, crazy, complicated, complex. Love is just an idea imprinted in our heads by many movies and books and old couples. And like the world of ideas it is idealized, that's exactly it. There's no ideal perfect love; it just doesn't exist. And sure a couple in love will prove me wrong for the first month, maybe a couple months, but the love will be gone and their ideals too, and they will be a couple just another couple trying to find the long lost love that remains in their memories and nowhere else. Maybe we could have done things differently, maybe that day if you didn't say this or if I didn't say that, or if we didn't do it, or if we had waited longer, or if I believed you, or if you told me what you were really thinking, or if you introduced me to your parents sooner, or if you met my family, or if we went to the beach once more, or if we got married right away, or if we never talked about relationships, or if we weren't honest with each other, maybe we should have lied, or if you made me feel more secure, or if our love wasn't so sure, or if we didn't have so many expectations, or if we didn't try to travel across nations, or if we just gave up everything once and for all, or if I didn't want anything from you, nothing at all. So many things could have been different. Remember that time when it felt like first love, like being in love for the first time, like innocent children who still believe in love, do you remember. It's gone, it's all in the past, all the innocence left behind. I wasn't sure, I wasn't ready, I wasn't there, I wasn't yours, I wasn't prepared for so much, I was too far away. It was only once, only one kiss, only one touch, only one look, only for one second that I wasn't yours. It hurts the same, one second or a thousand. It's all it takes, one second is all it takes to kill what is inside, pure feeling, true and honest love. How do you get it back, you don't. You never will. It will always be thorns without petals. That's what love is. In the end it's all that's left but they always sell the idea of the petals and the smell of perfume. Love dies just like any flower until there's nothing left.